Boss of my Life

Figuring Out LIfe One Day at a Time

No Such Thing as the Right Choice

There is no such thing as making the right choice.  Now I will admit that there are a handful of things that probably do ultimately have a right choice, but I believe that most of the “tough” decisions don’t have a right answer.  A co-worker and friend once told me, after I had to make a pretty tough choice about a pet I once had, that you need to make the best decision with the information you have available to you at the time.  I don’t think that it makes the act of making the decision and easier, but it definitely helps you move forward.

Don’t make your decisions based on what other people are doing or have done.  You can ask them for advice, pro’s and con’s, etc but you need to validate that those conditions fit into your lifestyle.  What may appear as a positive for them, may actually be a negative thing for you.  Even though you may have the same overlying strengths as another individual, your underlying strengths may be different so how you two achieve the same goal will look entirely different.

I like math so here’s a simple way to further describe what I am talking about

1 + 4 = 5

2+3 = 5

Both combinations got to the same destination.  Neither one is more correct or easier than the other one.  Two paths, same destination.

One thing I would like you to take away from this is to stop comparing yourself to others.  You are both on your own journeys.  Neither one is right or wrong so own your life.  Make your own decisions and be the boss of your life.

 

And remember you are unique…just like everyone else.

Life Choices

Your situation in life is 100% your choice.  We may not choose the events that happen to us, but we are in complete control of how we react to them.  We also seem to tend to think that negative thoughts or emotions are a bad thing.  I would totally disagree with this.  If something bad happens to you, i.e. a co-worker pisses you off at work it’s totally ok to be mad at them.  It is not ok to punch them in the face; that tends to be frowned upon.  If you lose a loved one, it’s ok to be sad.  You can’t however blame them for living in a depressed state the rest of your life.

You will also always have problems in your life.  Somewhere along the way I think as a society we developed this fake illusion that one day we are going to wake up happy and all of our problems will have just disappeared.  If you really think about it solving one problem always creates another one.  For example if you don’t have enough money (problem) you have to work harder to obtain more (different problem); you are out of shape and want to lose weight (problem) you have to start exercising and eating healthy (different problem).

Your life is a choice of the problems you want to have.  I choose to live an active healthy lifestyle.  This results in waking up early to exercise, which I can tell you is something I rarely want to do.  It’s not that I don’t want to exercise, but when my alarm goes off at 430 each morning I’d rather just roll over and go back to bed.  I also choose to eat relatively healthy.  This often means I pass up things like pizza and burgers for a salad.  The problem with choosing salads is that no matter how much you dress them up almost 100% of the time that piece of pizza tastes better.  While I don’t see my choices necessarily affect me in the moment, over the course of days or weeks I have more energy and generally feel better.  I am choosing to essentially suffer now so I don’t suffer later.  This is a concept that seems totally lost to many but that is a whole different topic.

Today I am choosing to get over myself and start to create the life in which the “problems” I have are ones I am choosing for myself.

Taking Action

I think I am on personal development overload.  They say you can have too much of a good thing, right?  The only reason I say that is because I have been feeling like I am taking in more information than I know what to do with.  I believe the term for that is “askhole”.  I keep looking for, or asking for advice, but never do anything with it. #guilty

This time I am deciding to take some action on a request that was given to me to write down 60-80 qualities of a job that would appeal to me.  First off this sounds like a pretty daunting task, but I’ll give it a whirl.  Secondly I need to surrender those qualities to the universe and see what I get.  That doesn’t mean just write them down and forget about them either.  This assignment really got me thinking though on which things I value most in a job.

The very first one thing that comes to mind for me is this magical 40 hour work week.  I’d really like to know who decided that 8 hours a day 5 days a week is really most productive.  I understand that some companies have ventured away from the stereotypical 8 hours a day thing, but for some reason most companies seem to still be stuck on this 40 hour work week.  If I can get a task done in 30 hours a week, why can’t I just stop there?  The answer to that question typically turns into, well since you have free time let’s load you up with something else to do.  Then at the same time it takes another individual 50 hours to complete the same task. That person will then either be given more time to complete the task or get paid OT to get it done. I understand life’s not fair and I don’t like comparing myself to other people, but I would like a job in which I am paid for my effort and efficiency.  If I get my work down effectively let me have those “extra” hours back.  On the flip side, if I am doing something I love or something that gives me more time with my family I don’t mind putting in the extra hours.

Another thing that really jumps out is vacation time.  If I am going to take some time off please don’t call or bother me. There are some rare occasions that I will tell people if they need something urgent to message me, but in those instances I am controlling and owning the situation.  Maybe I feel like its ok because I know the world isn’t going to come crashing down overnight.  Most of the time though I know I am not the sole keeper of information.

The more I think about it the more I can come up with more things.  Money is another one, but maybe surprisingly not the most important.  I am trying to build a bottom up approach to making money instead of making a blanket statement like “I need to make $100K to be happy”  If I have no idea where that money is going I have no idea if that is enough or maybe even too much.

So what’s one thing you’ve learned in the past few days that you are willing to take some action on?  It doesn’t need to be the same as mine and unless you are struggling with the same life choices I hope it’s not.

As a side note I am using the term job here intentionally.  I believe that a career is more than just a title.  If you are on the right career path your job title might change but your underlying “why” will not.

Motivation from a Surprising Place

I recently discovered that I am obsessed with kid’s movies.  Maybe it took the 90+ times we watched Trolls before bed, but one day something finally clicked.  As far-fetched as they may seem sometimes they always have a great message about never giving up.  Trolls has to be one of my absolute favorites when it comes to a secretly extremely motivational story.  You have a character that tries her hardest to remain positive, never giving up.  Eventually that catches up with her and she does almost give up.  Ultimately she is rejuvenated by a fellow troll and they end up not only successfully completing what they sent out to do, but the spread happiness to those who didn’t think it was possible.  My new favorite is Moana; because we all need a little motivation about following our calling.  When you watch that movie take note of all the resistance she initially goes through and how hard the journey is for her.

I honestly think about quitting and giving up almost every day.  Life is hard sometimes and I hate to break it to folks but EVERYONE has challenges and obstacles they are going through.  Someone always has it a easier than you and someone will always have it harder than you.  Even if it seems like someone has it easier, you have no idea what they went through to get there.  People don’t typically share their struggles and I can’t figure out why.  Maybe I need to be a little more open about mine.

I wonder how many people give up right before they are successful.  I have heard countless stories regarding people that have failed hundreds of times before finally catching that big break.  So until then I am going to keep on moving forward and watching my kid movies for motivation.

Setting Goals

Eight weeks down, only about four left to go, and I am really not looking forward to going back to work.  I know I probably really shouldn’t be saying that but deep down there Is a part of me screaming “DON’T DO IT”  I also know that I don’t want to be a stay at home mom.  More power to the women that chose to do that, but it’s just not for me.  I miss my routine and even though I have tried to stick with it for the most part sleeping in until 8 am is just way too late for me.  I am definitely enjoying a slowed down pace of life though.  I get to visit with family more often, takes naps with my baby girls, and in general not feel so “busy” The question I’ve been asking myself lately is what I do now.  I have been feeling some pressure to continue to keep chasing “The American Dream”.  Somewhere along the way my desire to continue with the rat race is fading away and my dreams of living a relaxed life keep creeping in.  Every time I feel this way I can’t help but think of the Mexican fisherman story.  We work our asses off to enjoy a little bit of life, instead of taking the time to enjoy a little bit of life now.  To me balance isn’t going full speed until you crash, take a couple of days to reset then doing it all over again, although I feel like that’s the cycle I’ve gotten myself into.

One of the things I was able to do with my time off is work towards setting goals based on feelings and experiences instead of outcomes.  We focus so much on the outcome that once we reach it we think there is going to be this magically feeling we get, but  I can almost guarantee that once you reach a goal the first thing you think is “Well is that it”  Let’s take the financial goal of being rich.  How many times have you said “If I make $ amount of money I’ll be happy”.  Then you work towards $ and when it comes you expect that all the sudden all your problems disappeared and you are magically happy.  It never seems to happen that way.  The amount of money you wanted to make comes and you don’t feel any different.  So now instead of focusing on the outcome of the goal you focus on the feelings.

So the goal I am going to work on now is to feel less busy.  I am starting by enjoying the time I have off.  I am going to keep taking trips and naps when I can.  When I go back to work, or maybe even sooner, I am going to get myself some help.

I am also going to keep visualizing my dream job, one in which I still get awesome benefits, but have a more flexible work schedule.  I know it’s out there and I will continue to stay high energy to attract it, but first time to relax outside a little more before the baby wakes up.

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