I think I am on personal development overload.  They say you can have too much of a good thing, right?  The only reason I say that is because I have been feeling like I am taking in more information than I know what to do with.  I believe the term for that is “askhole”.  I keep looking for, or asking for advice, but never do anything with it. #guilty

This time I am deciding to take some action on a request that was given to me to write down 60-80 qualities of a job that would appeal to me.  First off this sounds like a pretty daunting task, but I’ll give it a whirl.  Secondly I need to surrender those qualities to the universe and see what I get.  That doesn’t mean just write them down and forget about them either.  This assignment really got me thinking though on which things I value most in a job.

The very first one thing that comes to mind for me is this magical 40 hour work week.  I’d really like to know who decided that 8 hours a day 5 days a week is really most productive.  I understand that some companies have ventured away from the stereotypical 8 hours a day thing, but for some reason most companies seem to still be stuck on this 40 hour work week.  If I can get a task done in 30 hours a week, why can’t I just stop there?  The answer to that question typically turns into, well since you have free time let’s load you up with something else to do.  Then at the same time it takes another individual 50 hours to complete the same task. That person will then either be given more time to complete the task or get paid OT to get it done. I understand life’s not fair and I don’t like comparing myself to other people, but I would like a job in which I am paid for my effort and efficiency.  If I get my work down effectively let me have those “extra” hours back.  On the flip side, if I am doing something I love or something that gives me more time with my family I don’t mind putting in the extra hours.

Another thing that really jumps out is vacation time.  If I am going to take some time off please don’t call or bother me. There are some rare occasions that I will tell people if they need something urgent to message me, but in those instances I am controlling and owning the situation.  Maybe I feel like its ok because I know the world isn’t going to come crashing down overnight.  Most of the time though I know I am not the sole keeper of information.

The more I think about it the more I can come up with more things.  Money is another one, but maybe surprisingly not the most important.  I am trying to build a bottom up approach to making money instead of making a blanket statement like “I need to make $100K to be happy”  If I have no idea where that money is going I have no idea if that is enough or maybe even too much.

So what’s one thing you’ve learned in the past few days that you are willing to take some action on?  It doesn’t need to be the same as mine and unless you are struggling with the same life choices I hope it’s not.

As a side note I am using the term job here intentionally.  I believe that a career is more than just a title.  If you are on the right career path your job title might change but your underlying “why” will not.

I recently discovered that I am obsessed with kid’s movies.  Maybe it took the 90+ times we watched Trolls before bed, but one day something finally clicked.  As far-fetched as they may seem sometimes they always have a great message about never giving up.  Trolls has to be one of my absolute favorites when it comes to a secretly extremely motivational story.  You have a character that tries her hardest to remain positive, never giving up.  Eventually that catches up with her and she does almost give up.  Ultimately she is rejuvenated by a fellow troll and they end up not only successfully completing what they sent out to do, but the spread happiness to those who didn’t think it was possible.  My new favorite is Moana; because we all need a little motivation about following our calling.  When you watch that movie take note of all the resistance she initially goes through and how hard the journey is for her.

I honestly think about quitting and giving up almost every day.  Life is hard sometimes and I hate to break it to folks but EVERYONE has challenges and obstacles they are going through.  Someone always has it a easier than you and someone will always have it harder than you.  Even if it seems like someone has it easier, you have no idea what they went through to get there.  People don’t typically share their struggles and I can’t figure out why.  Maybe I need to be a little more open about mine.

I wonder how many people give up right before they are successful.  I have heard countless stories regarding people that have failed hundreds of times before finally catching that big break.  So until then I am going to keep on moving forward and watching my kid movies for motivation.

For months I had been telling everyone that I was taking the easy way out and scheduling a c section for the birth of my second daughter.  Even though I laughed and joked about it I was terrified.  Last time things happened a little too quickly for me to totally grasp what was going on.  I had a great pregnancy, labor was progressing at a decent rate, then all of the sudden we every time I would have a contraction her heart rate would drop.  Before things could go from bad to worse I was in an operating room with a healthy baby girl.  She had a usually short umbilical cord that caused the stress resulting in her heart rate dropping.  At the end of the day I had a healthy baby girl.

This time around I knew that I’d have to choose between trying for a natural birth and scheduling a c section.  There were pro’s and con’s of each route for me and we ended up deciding on scheduling it.  With all being said I already knew a little bit about what to expect.  I knew my only goal for that day would be to get out of bed.  I knew that them coming in to check on everything meant them pushing on my stomach, which hurts pretty bad the first few times.  I knew that my daily goals the next few days would consist of showering and walking laps around the wing.  I also knew that laughing, sneezing, or doing anything that involved my abs would hurt like hell.

Things that were different for me the second time around…

The list of things they give you to prepare you for surgery is crazy long and all I was wondering was why I didn’t have to do these things the first time around.  Most of them included stepping up your hygiene; dental care, clean clothes, clean bed sheets, showering, etc.  I didn’t change my bed sheets J

Walking into the hospital while you aren’t in labor is weird.  You basically just stroll in, let them know you are there for a c section and they take you back into a triage room.  Last time I didn’t make it to the triage room.  I am not sure if they just had open delivery rooms or if it was pretty obvious that things were moving along.  This time in the triage room I was able to take my time getting into a hospital gown, they hooked me up to the baby heart rate monitor, and asked me a ton of questions.  It was really nice this time around to actually be able to read the paperwork I was signing, instead of sneaking it in between contractions.

After what seemed like an hour they finally drew blood to check my hemoglobin levels.  They did this at the same time they got the IV started.  I am not really a fan of needles so I was a little bit nervous about it, but I was able to stay laying down in the bed and my husband was there to talk to me while they were starting it.  Then a whole lot more waiting around.

Finally the anesthesiologist came in and explained the spinal block process.  He basically just explained the difference between an epidural and the spinal.  Then after about 15 mins I was wheeled back to the operating room.  I think the worst part about the whole ordeal was that my husband couldn’t come back until they were sure the spinal was working.  Trying to hunch over so he could get it going was tough, not only because I was relying on myself and the nurses to stay calm, but also because bending over with a big belly is next to impossible.  Once they thought everything was good to go I got poked in the shoulder with a needle, then on the hips to see if I could feel anything.  I was honestly thinking the whole time, maybe 15 mins, that I was never going to do this again.  I consider myself a pretty tough person, but having to go through surgery like that twice was enough for me.  Finally my husband was allowed to come into the operating room.

This time around I was able to ask for and get a clear screen along with the normal blue screen.  The idea is that once the baby is close to coming out they would pull the blue screen down so I could see her.  The nurse warned me she was going to hop up on my stomach and help push the baby down.  That was quite a little experience in itself.  We actually all almost forgot to pull the blue screen down, but luckily the doctor remembered at the last minute.  It was an amazing experience to see my baby girl right away.  Then she peed all over me.  They took her to get cleaned up a little, then brought her back to me so I could see her a little bit before they do all the checks.  Once they were ready to do all the checks my hubby went with the baby while I got stitched back together.  About an hour later I was wheeled into the recovery room.

In the recovery room my face started to itch pretty badly.  It actually started as they were finishing up putting me back together.  I don’t remember that happening the first time around and the anesthesiologist said it was a side effect of the spinal.  Shortly after getting settled into the recovery room the lactation consultant brought my baby into the room with me.  This was the one thing I had made sure I requested multiple times.  I only requested it so I could spend some time with her, while I waited the hour before they cleared me to go to my room.  The lactation consultant helped with skin to skin contact as well as nursing her.  I kind of felt like she was almost man handling my boobs, but whatever it worked.

I don’t know if it was the transition to my room that did me in, but after I got settled into my bed I started to feel super sick.  Even though they gave me anti-nausea medicine I really didn’t feel too great.  I tried eating crackers and drinking a little bit of water, but eventually I gave up and got sick…a lot…over the course of a few hours.  If you think getting sick is bad try it after major abdominal surgery.  During the course of the day and night I was still able to nurse a little.  It was about 4 o’clock the next morning before I finally felt good enough to get up.

I also tried to tough it out overnight in the hospital by myself.  It was easier for my husband to stay at home with my daughter overnight then to have her bounce around at grandparent’s houses.  This sounded like a good idea at the time, but most of the nights were really hard.  Even though I could get my baby to fall asleep by time I got out of bed to put her in the little basinet thing I’d wake her up.  The last night I had my mom stay with me to help out and it made it a lot easier.

My recovery this time around seems to be going a lot better.  I was in a lot better shape and ate healthier foods.  The doctor was even impressed that my gut was recovering so well *Thanks to my shakes*  I am feeling pretty good now, even though the first day was one of the hardest days of my life.  I still can’t do any twisting motions and I’m technically not allowed to drive or pick up anything heavier than my baby for almost another week.  While I am ok with the not driving, it’s hard explaining to a toddler why I can pick her up.

After my experience this time around among other reasons I won’t be scheduling another c section and time soon…or ever.  Part of me is a little bit sad that this is my last child, but most of me is happy that I have two healthy beautiful baby girls.  I did feel a little guilty about not trying for a natural birth this time around since I was a good candidate, but come to find out the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck so there was a pretty good probability I would have had to have an emergency c section this time too.  It’s funny how things work out.

 

Does anyone really live in this fantasy world of “sleep when the baby sleeps” or “don’t clean the house, the mess can wait”?

Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times that I’ve cuddled with my baby over cleaning, but let’s face it most of the time if we aren’t doing it then it doesn’t get done.  That may be ok for like a day or two but once the crap starts building up it gets a little unbearable.

I’ve even hired someone to clean my house a few times a month and while that helps, there is still the day to day crap that builds up if you don’t take care of it.  I am also pretty convinced that most men are totally oblivious to it (sorry guys!) I am also debating finding someone on care.com that would clean and get groceries for me.  The fact that I am even asking for that kind of helps makes me wonder if my priorities are in the right place.  I have a great, albeit demanding job.  After a 9 or 10 hour day the last thing I feel like doing is making dinner.  This week I did a really good job of getting dinners prepped up ahead of time, along with getting done all the dishes that went with it.  I also am working no more than 9 hours a day this week.  Even though I feel better prepared for the week I still can’t help debate to myself if I am stretched too thin.

So ladies that seem to have all their shit together, how do you get it done?  I am against hiring a nanny because I can’t justify paying someone to spend one on one time with my child.  I do love that she goes to daycare and gets the social interaction as well as preschool activities.  Do I suck it up and try and get everything done myself?  Do I hire someone to help?  Do I find a job that requires less hours and possibly lower pay so I have more time?

With baby #2 coming this May I feel like the burden is going to become too much when I go back to work, HELP!

I must have missed the memo that declared life is fair.  Someone will always have it better than you and someone will always have it worse than you.  There will always be someone that works harder than you and someone that doesn’t work as hard.  This isn’t a man vs women battle, its life.

In just a few days I’ve been told I am unequal to a man and I need to stand up for myself by protesting, later told I am not a second class citizen and should appreciate the opportunities I do have, only to be told the next day that I am not equal.  I am sure tomorrow someone will come back and say “No I’m not oppressed”

One minute I am reading about how women feel oppressed, and the same day I am listening to a male coworker concerned he has a concussion because his baby’s mom has hit him so many times.  All while putting roof over her head, paying her bills, too scared to kick her out because he knows she can take off with his kid and he’ll be lucky to see him every other weekend.  This isn’t the first or second time I’ve heard this story.

Maybe you feel like this is a different situation, but aren’t you also arguing for equality?  Maybe the right answer is to treat women equal to men, but only in situations that are advantageous to them.

I also looked up the statistics on domestic violence to see if maybe these were isolated incidents.  I found that the Centers for Disease Control discovered that 40% of victims of severe domestic violence were men.  Another study I found also suggests that women are MORE likely to be controlling and physically aggressive.  So I hear you when you say women are still being beaten by their significant other, but I hate to break it to you; men are too.  Again we don’t have an oppression issue; it appears we have a lack of understanding on what a healthy functioningrelationship looks like.

Another thing that frustrates me is the wage gap claim.  Don’t make as much as the man working next to you?  When is the last time you demanded a raise?  I can almost guarantee it as recently as your male counterpart.  As women we tend to settle, it’s a sad fact of life.  Instead of accepting it (or protesting) have that discussion with your employer.  Don’t like the answer, then find a new job.  If finding a new job is too painful then you’re not really unsatisfied.

On the same note during the few years I was hired into my position in a male dominated field I learned that there were two equally qualified candidates and they chose the women over the man.  That puts a bit of a damper on the whole oppression thing doesn’t it?  At one point in my career I was told that I should use being in a male dominated field to my advantage because companies were looking to change the optics of the situation.  So basically I’ll be chosen over a male, who may be slightly more qualified than me because I am a female and they are working towards a quota. That can’t be right, since women are oppressed.  I also have been in a situation multiple times where I was not paid as much as my counterpart.  I was encouraged at one point to play the “it’s because I’m a women card” but I couldn’t do it.  In hindsight, shame on me for not standing up for myself and demanding I get paid for the job I was doing regardless of being a female.

Let’s also not forget the fact that men and women are not biologically or physically equal.  I don’t feel like this needs to be explained any further.  Read a book if you need to understand the chemistry behind it.

Let’s also stop and take some accountability for our actions.  If you don’t like the way boys are treating women, then sorry mom’s but it’s your fault for not teaching them the difference between what is appropriate and what isn’t.  For those women putting up with it, stop.  I know, way easier said than done.  People do it every day though.  I would bet that the population of people (YES people, not women) that have been in abusive relationships at one point in their lives is next to none.

I do appreciate women over the past several years that have stood up for women’s rights and have gotten us to where we are today.  I don’t think we’ll ever be “equal” to men and I am not sure that I want to be.  I wanted to be treated as the individual I am.